Lose Your Patience, Not Your anger

So when was the last time you lost your patience with your children? To answer that, would you be looking at your calendar or the second hand on your watch?

The problem with having children is that by the time you’ve learned everything you need to know to raise them, they’re almost grown. By the time you’re wise enough, you’re too tired. One thing I have to say about having children is that it makes you appreciate your own parents.

A frequent source of conflict between children and parents is that they do not think alike, much to the consternation of parents. For instance, I like putting things back where they belong so I can find them the next time I need them. My children don’t seem to have this same tendency. When things get out of place, I can easily get out of sorts. But after much trial and error, I realized that it’s not worth raising your blood pressure over a $40.00 power tool. Nor is it worth damaging the self esteem of your children (now that’s an overused word I bet you’ve heard before)! One way to abate the anger you feel from having your personal possessions and tools strewn out all over the lawn is to remember that it’s probably divine retribution going back to when you were a child and did the very same things to your parents!

In all honesty, losing your temper is easy. Some people seem to lose it a lot more than others. Incidentally, why is it that those who lose their temper the most always seem to find it again? Maybe it should’ve stayed lost!

Actually, losing your temper is the most counterproductive thing you can do as a parent. It’s admitting to your children that you’re not in control. But in any dispute between emotion and common sense, it seems that emotion almost always wins out. Maybe your best bet is to try another approach when things start to get tense before you vent your anger. It’s easier to maintain control of your temper than to wait until it’s unleashed and try to reign it back in. Once you’ve gone past the point of no return, it’s sort of like jumping off a house and trying to stop halfway. Too late!

Dealing with children isn’t supposed to be easy. In case you thought otherwise, your children will subtly remind you over and over again! There will be times that you won’t always know the best thing to do, especially when it comes to the issue of discipline. Unfortunately, children don’t come with instructions–if they did, you wouldn’t have time to read them anyway! Children, however, need some direction from you as a parent. And instruction. And because of time constraints, sometimes parents will skip over the instruction that children need and go straight to the punishment phase.

Regrettably, discipline is a part of every child’s upbringing, regardless of how you feel about it. No parent relishes the thought of having to discipline their children so we generally procrastinate doing so until we’re about to lose control. And that’s precisely when we need it the most. So, in order to act in their best interest, it requires that you remain in control of your emotions. Don’t be ashamed if you need time to cool off or to get help.

Now I don’t claim to be an authority when it comes to raising children but I’ve learned a few things from my own personal experiences–or did I really mean to say, tribulations. From my observations, it would appear that raising children is synonymous with raising your voice. Fortunately there is always help available, if you’ll just buy the latest book some expert wrote! Now, I’m not against ‘experts’ but have you ever noticed that they don’t always agree? Maybe they should all get together and read each other’s books? This way you’d only have to read one. I believe in consulting books and getting information but it always has to be in the context of common sense. After all, who really knows you’re child better than you?

Relating experiences about childraising doesn’t necessarily have to described in technical terms nor does it require a string of degrees to understand. In fact, the last time I checked, they don’t even give out a certificate for cleaning the bathroom floor after a sick child threw up at 3:00 A.M. in the morning. Not even when you had to be at work at 6:30 the same day. If they do, then I want mine! No, I didn’t get a diploma to hang on my wall nor did I get to walk across a stage with one of those square hats and a tassel.

In our primordial state, we balanced our feelings of frustration or anger by striking out in retribution against whatever caused it. But in the family situation there is no foe to vanquish. So against our invisible feelings of frustration, we sometimes subconsciously designate someone visible to be the foe. When this happens, we feel vindicated by subjecting our children or our spouse to being the object of our anger. This type of reaction only exacerbates a situation where others are depending on you to react in a mature manner.

In summary, you should correct your children because they need it, not because you’re angry or lost your patience. Instead of lashing out in frustration against your spouse, seek their support. In the arena of conflict and resolution, there is no foe unless you create one. But there is one consolation. Eventually you will get even with your children. Because one day they will have children of their own. And it will be their turn to appreciate you.

write about children, wives, financial affairs, relationships, etc.

Don’t know anything about raising children? Your children will teach you! The only problem is that by the time you’ve learned all you need to know, the kids are grown.

Losing your temper is the most counterproductive thing you can do as a parent

sometimes parents will skip over the instruction that children need and go straight to the punishment phase

No parent relishes the thought of having to discipline their children so we generally procrastinate doing so until we’re about to lose control. And that’s precisely when we need it the most.

Raising children shouldn’t be synonymous with raising your voice. In the arena of conflict and resolutionScience Articles, there is no foe unless you create one

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Extreme Self Care

How much do you want to do in this life? Is the list of things you hope to accomplish lengthy and bold?

Chances are that you have many plans still left to complete. To do all of those things, you must stay well. Healthy, that is, not just mentally but physically.

Adopt the mind set of exhibiting extreme self care for your- self. Eat a proper diet, exercise, get a good night’s sleep, relax your body and your mind. Do all of those things that you KNOW you need to do to stay healthy and sharp of wit.

This may mean doing some “simple” things that many just aren’t comfortable with, such as:

–Saying “No” to close friends and family who demand your time when you just don’t have the time to give.

–Giving up volunteer positions that tax your time as well as stress you physically/mentally.

–Calling in sick.

–Taking a vacation.

Simple little things that can have a great impact on your health and well-being.

Simple little things that can make the difference between you being well enough to accomplish all that you wish to or not.

So take care of yourself, extreme careArticle Submission, so that you can keep reaching for those dreams.

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Steps for Creating Success Joyfully

Personal power and creativity, when balanced, generate tremendous energy! Success includes helping others, harnessing your own creative genius and living your life from a space of calm, personal power. These tips can help you find that walk of strength to bring forth your personal goals and dreams in a good way.

In my work as an actress, on stage, film and tv, and in my years of work teaching acting classes of all levels, I’ve watched in amazement as the process of developing optimal performance in acting began to illuminate the process toward developing optimal performance in other areas of my life – in all areas, in fact.

I began to see that the qualities one needs to be a good actor were the same ones needed to succeed in any other endeavor, including spiritual awakening. One needs confidence, full knowledge of the role one is playing, and the ability to make it real for oneself and, therefore, real for the audience as well. (This is so like the process of awakening, to me. We at once realize we are spiritual beings having a physical experience, and not the other way around - as Wayne Dyer put it so well – and in the next breath, realize that we agreed to see it through, to make it real) One must be flexible, imaginative and emotionally free of restrictions and blockage.

One must be willing to dedicate the time and effort, to explore the script they’ve been given, work with the other characters on the stage and make their environment home.

One of the best ways you can increase both your success-thinking and your creativity, is to take a good acting class. Preferrably one where there is improvisation included, which means that you work without a script - making it up as you go along. It’s thrilling, scary and generates tremendous mental growth.

Books have been written on the creative aspects of acting and I might write an article later on about that very subject but I only touch on it here, to let you know where some of these ideas have sprang from.

Others have sprang from my spiritual path and may include ideas and concepts that are new to you. I encourage you to just try these ten things for a month and see how you feel at the end of the 30 days!

10 Spiritually Sound Ways to Boost Success and Creativity

  1. Accept assistance. Get help with some of what you are trying to do, or be willing to let something go when you are overwhelmed. Conquer any fear of you may have of collaboration or asking for help. If you look closely at why you feel you have to do everything yourself, you’ll find some kind of fear operating that is keeping beneficial help from reaching you. In fact, during this next 30 days make it a discipline to ask for help at least once a day.

  2. Vision it in! Dedicate time daily, to visualizing what you wish to create, and spend time doing some kind of practice or review of what you have done. Commit to doing something every day, but do not set a rigid amount that must be done. One sentence, written well, makes for a more successful day than twenty pages written poorly. In other words, develop a healthy respect for the act of visualization and write it into your schedule as part of your work.

  3. Seek non-human assistance. Ask for a totem animal, to help you manifest your dreams and to show you the best way to proceed. Make a list of the skills you need, and announce to Spirit that you would like a “power” animal to teach you. The animal may come in dreamtime or during your daily meditations. It may appear in your life. Personally, Spider is one of my most influential totems and appears a great deal when I am writing. If the concept of Totem, or Power Animals, is new to you, you might enjoy reading Animal Speak OR Animal Wise by Ted Andrews. It opened a wonderful new world of wisdom and non-linear thinking for me and it might do the same for you! You might also enjoy exploring the use of Totem Essences for stronger connection to non-human teachers in your environment and spiritual realms.

  4. Avoid squandering energies. If you cannot focus on the chosen aspect, let it go and do something else. If blocked, let it go for a while and come back to it later. In the past, this has always been a very hard one for me. The more I wanted something to be working, or completed, the more driven I tended to be. However, years of operating that way have taught me that more productivity can be achieved by shifting attention away from the thing so desperately desired, when feeling urgent or driven. It balances the creative flow. Take a break when you least feel that you can afford to stop.

  5. Release expectations. Understand that Spirit may have a way of bringing the whole thing together, which your personality self has never even considered. Don’t tie the hands of your Higher Self, by insisting on a certain sequence of events. Trust that God will unfold the perfect result. If you can take the position of “interested observer” it will be easier to let God work in your life. Consider how it would be if you tried to fly an airplane from your seat in the middle. How clear would your vision of the entire sky be from that perspective. Better to trust the pilot.

  6. Be willing to take it one step at a time. Get used to not being able to see the next step. It will be revealed when you have done the work needed in the present moment. Jumping ahead is one of the biggest energy drains I can imagine. It’s a little like trying to go 100 miles an hour with your foot on the brake. All you’ll do is make a stink and burn out your brake pads!

  7. Practice good will gestures. Find someone to encourage, lift up, or support. In the reality of the feedback loop, you will receive what you give out, and the support will be there when you need it. You are familiar with the Random Acts of Kindness movement a while back and the more recent Pay It Forward phenomenon. Both are rekindlings of a much older tradition: Do unto others what you you would have them do unto you! These ideas keep reemerging because they represent higher truth! It’s an amazing truth that what you do comes back to you, so do something nice for no reason every day for the next 30 days.

  8. Use conscious speech! Watch how you speak out about what you want to create–choose your words and images carefully. Don’t push and don’t push your ideas on other people. Share only with those who will support, encourage, and gently challenge weak points, from a position of support. Your body hears every word you say about your health. Your mind hears every word you say about your abilities and skills. Further more, your cellular memory records everything you think about yourself, whether you speak it out or not. Instead of saying “I’m terrible at public speaking” try “In the past, I’ve tended to be challenged by public speaking but I am learning to be comfortable sharing my truth and awareness with others.” Speaking in this way literally programs your mind to put your challenges where they belong – in the past – and to focus your thinking toward the future in a positive way.

  9. Do something nourishing for yourself every day. Make a point of it. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. A long hot bath is one of my favorite gifts I give myself. Affirm “I am deserving of receiving this vision into reality”, to open your channels for receiving more goodness and success. When you stop punishing yourself for work not done or results not achieved, you begin to release the taskmaster that has kept you enslaved to linear time results and projection. Yes, those things are there but they are not the law. They are a guideline and guidelines change. Be willing to enjoy wherever you are, even if it is not where you think you should be or projected you would be by a particular moment in time.

  10. End the day when the day ends. Maybe the most important tip of all - Let the day go at the end of the day, without judgment or negative self-talk. Thank yourself for doing your best with the time, release any unfinished business to God and ask for dreamtime teachingsArticle Submission, healing and help as you drop away to sleep.

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Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement

Some fear that if we accept ourselves as we are, that we will have no motive to improve ourselves.

There is a small possibility that self-acceptance might cause a few people to loose interest in self-improvement. In most cases, however, it opens the door towards natural change and self-betterment.

Contrary to what many think, self-acceptance is usually a prerequisite to moving beyond aspects of our selves which we would like to leave behind.

It is as if that aspect which we want to change is another person whom we are rejecting and asking to be different. They will usually resist and become even more deeply entrenched in the behaviors we would like to them to change.

The same seems to happen when we reject aspects of ourselves. Those tendencies or “sub-personalities” tend to resist letting go of their ways of functioning and behaving. Thus, we often delay our freedom from such undesired habits or characteristics when we reject them or ourselves for having them.

Say for example, we smoke or eat or drink too much. Or we might tend towards aggressiveness, jealousy, anger, fear or other unwanted emotions. We might prefer to be more assertive and dynamic in achieving our goals.

Rather than reject ourselves for what we would like to change, a much more effective approach is to:

  1. Accept that undesired aspect of ourselves as a natural evolutionary response to the various stresses, disappointments, difficulties, and challenges we have encountered until now in our lives. We have developed these habits and tendencies as an attempt to “protect” our selves from “dangers” or to “relax” from our tensions.

  2. Learn to understand these aspects of our being. They are parts of us, which deserves our love and acceptance as it is. We need to understand what those parts of ourselves are actually seeking through those behavior. They might be seeking security, affirmation, freedom or perhaps release of tension.

Our “aspects” or sub-personalities can search for security in money, food, relationships, sex, smoking, coffee or even through conflict. We have been programmed to doubt our security and self-worth and to fear for our freedom and to seek them at times in strange and sometimes self-destructive ways.

Thus the second step is to understand these parts of ourselves and realize how they feel and what they need.

  1. The third step is to begin to reeducate these parts of ourselves and help them understand what is really in their benefit and how they can achieve real security, self-worth, freedom and fulfillment. This might take the form of a dialogue with that aspect of ourselves in which we listen to its needs and then explain how we perceive our lives and share our goals and needs. We can write a dialogue between these two parts of our being - the one who wants to keep on with its habits and the second which wants to move on to other ways of behaving. They can each express to each other their: a. Needs b. Feelings c. Beliefs d. Goals.

This can also be done by setting up two chairs and creating a verbal exchange in which we speak alternatively for each part of ourselves as we change positions sitting in each chair as we change perspective and seek to feel and express that aspect of ourselves.

  1. The fourth step is to take the position of our higher wiser self and speak to both parts of ourselves. Both the part, which wants to the change and the one, which does not, are equally aspects of our being. They are like our children and they need to be accepted and loved as they are. They need to be helped to love harmoniously in the same body and mind.

  2. In the end we need to understand that our true being is not limited to either of these aspects. We are something much greater.

This mutual inner acceptance and communication between these conflicting aspects our being opens the door to a type of inner cooperation which brings about a much more effective and lasting change than can ever be accomplished through self-rejection and conflict.

The same is obviously true about our need to change others. We can get much better results if we accept and understand them and their needs and then express our needs in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and respect.

As for the fear that we might relax too much and not move forward if we accept ourselves, we would do well to remember that all of nature seeks to evolve. Our inner being naturally seeks to evolve. This is our basic inner need. We are all driven by an inner pressure towards perfection. How else can we know that we do not have perfect love or justice, unless we have an inner frame of reference.

We want to create health, harmonyArticle Submission, peace and love in our lives because these remind us of out true inner self. These are who and what we are.

No matter how much we accept ourselves we will always want to move towards that manifestation of our inner potential.

We need to externalize our inner beauty. Loving and accepting ourselves is the first step towards that.

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Keys to Connecting with Anyone

Connecting with someone, establishing rapport, does not have to be a difficult thing, although many people find it so. Here are ten key points to remember whenever you set off to meet new people…

  • Be happy with yourself.

Much of the insecurity we feel in meeting new people has to do with how we feel about ourselves as opposed to the other person. Work hard and develop positive self-esteem.

  • Act Confident…

…..even if you’re not! Chances are the other person is as nervous as you are.

  • Expect to connect.

Think positive. Tell yourself that you will connect with people… and you will.

  • Smile!

It’s hard NOT to connect with somebody who’s cheerful and smiling.

  • Notice others.

Maybe they are smiling and cheerful. Maybe you are attracted to something they are saying or discussing, whatever. Just look for reasons to connect with people instead of excuses NOT to.

  • Listen.

One of the greatest gifts you can give another person is to listen to them. Instead of jumping in to say something, listen a bit longer instead.

  • Ask questions.

Go one step further and truly take an interest in what they are talking about. Ask thoughtful questions that draw them out and focus the conversation on them.

  • Connect with individuals.

You can speak to, present to, teach, or train large groups, but you can only really connect with the individuals in that group. Emphasize this aspect of your communication and build those one-on-one connections.

  • Be willing to compromise.

Meeting new people or working with new people invariably means running into positions, opinions, and practices you don’t agree with. If you want to build the relationship, expect to compromise from time to time.

  • Treat others as you’d like to be treated.

Just to start. As you get to know each other work hard to treat them like they want to be treated

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